he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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