I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
