You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize