so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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