i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
