I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
