brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize