why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
