That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
