he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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