I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
