she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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