her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
