Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
