He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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