Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
