I must be too annoying 4 u.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
