There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
