just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
