this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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