I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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