i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
