Swine flu. Run for my life!
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
