my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize