So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
