One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize