Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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