Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Let's paint friendship bongs
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
