remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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