I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
