my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
