i was born a porn star she said
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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