I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize