i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
