Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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