I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
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