He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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