just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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