you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
