After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
