Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
