my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
