i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
How external is "for external use only"?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
