i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Alive.
So much puke
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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