May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
