I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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