there's paper in my vomit.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
