yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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