the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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