Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You can't special order awesome
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
