She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
