he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
