I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
