Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
