His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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