dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Its about making memories worth repressing
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
