can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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