Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
