4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
