I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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