Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I will die if light touches me.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize