Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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