yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
