He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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