if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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