I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize