What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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