Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
