some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
