Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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