Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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