It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
