And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
