Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
