so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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