i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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