Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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