The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
