When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
