I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
