I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
