so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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