just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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