My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize