distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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