Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
