Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
