I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize