you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
there was a trapeze. enough said
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
