ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
