Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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