Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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