ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
