I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
