i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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