i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
