I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I will be naked everywhere
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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