just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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