Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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