omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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