Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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