i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
