dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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