Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
