In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
