I cannot find my penis.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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