I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
