I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
